IDENTITY

By clinging to our identity we limit ourselves to the various opportunities that allow us to expand our lifestyles. 

The car you drive does not define you and neither does the house you live in. The clothes you wear may showcase your style but they do not demonstrate the unique traits you possess. Introducing ourselves by our job titles may represent a facet of our lives; however, a title does not show character, resilience, or determination.

Many of us have spent years refining, discovering, and rediscovering ourselves. These changes are attested through our identities. Using style, lifestyle, and material desires we reflect ourselves to the outside world. We choose how we want to be seen.

Worrying what others think of us has less to do with the act of their negative thoughts, but the effects it has on our ego. When this self-created identity is rejected by someone else, our insecurities do not stem from their negative opinion but as a result of their misinterpretation of our identity. 

This feeling is a result of the expectations endured by placing our own self image on a pedestal. It is not that we idolize ourselves, but we want others to idolize the person we project ourselves to be.

One of the challenges we set for ourselves is believing others have an expectation of us which we must keep up. This is our outward persona; how others perceive us. This persona can be crafted through social media, speech, dress, and various other factors. Everything we do becomes a part of our identity. Even our closest friends see us in a certain way as a result of our actions and unconscious behavior patterns.

What others cannot see are the thoughts within our head. All that is reflected outside is our physical presence, which is the result of habits, hobbies, lifestyle, etc. In simple terms there are two of us (in the context of identity). There are two of you, and there are two of me. One physical form and one mental form. Our physical form is a result of our mental form. Our thoughts shape how we represent ourselves. For example, the voice within our heads tells us what we are going to wear today, or engages in discussion with itself about what job we want. 

All of our physical actions are a representation of our mental decisions. Many of these are unconsciously translated into reality. Our minds decide how to reflect our bodies and our presence, and this presence is then internalized by the minds of other people. 

Mental you → Physical you :  Result → Identity

Translation: The mental you becomes the physical you, the result is your sense of identity.

There is nothing wrong with having a sense of identity. Crafting our identities gives us a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Without anything to change, life would be monotonous and dull. Changing our identities from “stoner” to “CEO” can be rewarding and satisfying, but the detrimental part of identity is our attachment to it. 

By forming attachment, we take one step forwards and five steps back.

For example, you used to be an athlete. Now, you are not. Maybe you did not get recruited or make a certain team. Instead of re-shaping yourself, you are burdened with the thought that you can no longer call yourself an athlete. “I was an athlete,” I was, I was, I was. After all, for years you were seen as an athlete. The truth is you can still be whatever it is you lost, or whatever it is you want to be.

When we lose what we believe defines us, it often crushes us to a pulp. We feel downgraded and dehumanized. Most often, we feel defeated and ashamed. We believe others will see us as less. There is no one shaming you but yourself. We entrap ourselves into self-pity through a pre-arranged system set up by our own minds which tells us that our identity is of utmost importance. 

The only limitations we reach are those set by our own mind. Attachment to the present reality quickly becomes attachment to the past. In simpler terms, believing we have to maintain our current image will make it much harder in a couple years from now when you are in a different position than you thought you would be. Right now, If you realize that your identity is makeshift, then in the future you will not look so much towards the past. 

It is far easier to let go of attachment to the present because the past is filled with experiences we have to relish, but cannot be relived again. That is a pain which is only resolved by enjoying your present state.

People change. Phases happen. We lose things. We gain things. Try to be less attached to your identity, and enjoy the experience of flexibility. There are pleasures in recreating yourself, in developing new skills, even in starting all over again. By dropping the standards we set for how we want others to view us, the weight we place on ourselves disappears. We gain a new ability to reach places we never could have with the previous limitations placed by our own egos. Identity is rewarding; attachment is detrimental.

I will now predict one of your fears: What will other people think?

If this is something you have already overcome, good for you. If your fear is people thinking/talking negatively about you, become the type of person no one can describe.

What would this look like? No one can define you in a compilation of words. You will be the type of person who can only be experienced, not described. This is because you do not try to define yourself in any manner — you simply exist as you want to be. You are constantly evolving and you define yourself by the type of person you are, not what you do. Description becomes characteristic. 

i.e.

Therapist → Passionate about helping others

Dresses like a Pinterest board →Expressive

Stoner → Alternate perspective of life

It is a test to our egos to let go of our current identities (our attachment to it). 

So, if you chose to take the path of detattaching from your identity but you are afraid of what people will think when you just do what makes you happy, here is this one little relic: knowing that you cannot even be described. Knowing that no one can say anything sincerely negative about you is the gift you give yourself in attempts to ease your fear (and your ego). 

Just because you have a certain perception of yourself does not mean others hold you up to it.

I promise no one cares what you do but the people that truly care for you, and if they begin to question you, then you are probably doing the right thing. 

No one needs to envy you, but it is better that people do not understand you (the outside you that is). The less attachment you have to the outside world, the higher sense of peace you can form within yourself. The biggest link between others and ourselves is a sense of identity and the awareness that others perceive it. Shed the first and the remaining will follow. 

Live well. All that matters is all which you place importance too.

Really, nothing matters but you — the inner you.